"It freed me," he says, succinctly - this is not nearly enough of an explanation, not when Sparhawk has been drinking and even less able to put the small and scattered pieces of Martel's puzzle together without a little help. Knowing this, he's still reluctant to explain any further; he's reluctant to explain this far. "I have an opportunity here, and you're not worth so much to me dead that I'm going to endanger it for the sake of pettiness. Consider it a moment, brother; I lived that life once already. What in God's name makes you think I enjoyed it so much I'd want to live it again?"