[prompt] you make me think that maybe i won't die alone

[apostatised]

'Nothing ever truly ends'; I've heard this more in the past half year or so than I'd ordinarily care to dwell on. It's true enough, isn't it? Choice that ripples out into choices - your past defines your present, marks out the paths you can take in the future. Or that you can't.

I made Sparhawk a promise: to never set foot in his world - our world, our home - again. I expected, in a way, the way that it ended in Zemoch, but I'm not so stupid to think he forgave me. I didn't go easy because I'd changed my mind. I'd been trying my damnedest to kill him myself not five minutes before he killed me - no final strike necessary. It'd have made it quicker, but given how little time I had left it didn't matter. There's nothing left for me in Elenia; not my brother, not our little mother, and I think Petrana would rightfully claw my eyes out if she ever saw me again. I might have children there, but if I do I'll never know and if God has any mercy in him somewhere, anything other than apparent disinterest, neither will they. (From what I hear, he's sort of dull, frankly; that kind of spite is someone else's realm.)

I wonder about it, occasionally. The way things stand, I'll more than likely outlive him - in a manner of speaking - and, oh, everyone else. Is it a promise to stay away for eternity, or until everyone who remembers my name is dust and nobody left knows to give a damn, let alone actually care? But of course, Sephrenia's lived hundreds of years already - what then is a few more? Aphrael will live as long as someone loves her.

And I'll remember.


prompt: "The past is never dead. It's not even past." William Faulkner, Requiem For A Nun. [264]
word count: 300

Comments

[one-drafted-man.livejournal.com]

At least in the near term, given your old history, it's probably practical, too: Even if you just set up a castle out of the way and lived a quiet life, there's always the chance that when something bad happens somewhere, someone might get it in their head that you were involved somehow. That leads to a mob storming your castle with pitchforks and torches, and that just never goes well for anyone.

[errantknights.livejournal.com]

I'd be killed on principle if I went back in the near future, that's been made quite clear to me.

[one-drafted-man.livejournal.com]

Well, sure, but I meant aside from the whole promise/no forgiveness from Sparhawk thing. It's not always the ones who'd take it personally you have to watch out for, so much as everyone else, when it comes to having a reputation.

In the longer term... Well, if you wait until everyone who might care is gone, the odds are probably good that the place will be quite a bit different from what you remember. (I've got some first-hand experience on this one.)

[errantknights.livejournal.com]

It was a rather deliberately cultivated reputation; I'm well aware. Sparhawk, contrary to popular belief, is not the only man with principles. Mind you, he's not even a man of principle depending on who asked and who's answering.

It's more of a logic puzzle than a practical concern.

[one-drafted-man.livejournal.com]

Ah, yeah, I suppose there would also be that.

Mm. I suppose it would be, for now. Just noting for future reference. There's an old saying, at least in my world, about how, "You can't go home again," which becomes relevant when you, for example, consider teleporting back to Hawaii despite the trouble the Army might give you for it, only to realize that 800 years in The Future, everyone who knew you is dead and the landmarks have changed enough that you won't recognize anything.

[errantknights.livejournal.com]

Exile, you know, and I've pushed my luck with that already.

I suppose now's as good a time as any to mention I sold the family properties when I left the country in the first place.